You killed someone important to me and it got my brother killed because of it, and then you lied for a week about it and pretended like it never happened. I should be pissed at you forever, but the thing is, Tiger told you to do it, and I hate him more than you.
[there's a very, very loud anger in her at that - she's not kidding when she says it. but it cools off after a second.]
Things aren't gonna be like they were. I'm more mad you lied. But I'm talking to you now, and if I wasn't fine with that I just wouldn't do it, and you know that.
[ her brother, huh...for a second it confuses him because he can't think of any siblings that nimona has or ever mentioned, but then he catches on and, well. because he's petty at heart, it stings a little. to know that ace qualifies for that kind of position when he never will. probably because he, y'know, got ace killed. ]
Well, then...how are things going to be?
...also, please don't kill Tiger or anything either.
Yeah, maybe. Tiger could use someone to drag his stupid self-important ass down to earth but it's not going to be me because honestly, I don't care what he does after all of this as long as it's as far away from me as possible.
... Look. Do you remember that guy from my memory? From a few weeks ago. Ballister.
Right before I got here, he found out what I am. He pulled a sword on me, and called me a monster.
[she says it steady, but it's still hard on her - her chest aches with it.]
It's not the first time that's happened but that's not what I'm getting at. [but her point is:] I don't - I can't. Handle it, when people fuck with my trust. Friends. Friends who fuck with my trust.
But Nico said it might be worth it to give you another shot, so I'm not writing you off entirely.
[ there's a pang of gratefulness, relief, but also...pain and shame and embarrassment. ]
...I haven't had friends in a long time. I haven't...cared about anyone in well over a decade, before coming here. It's...nice. I forgot how nice it could be.
And how terrifying.
I...the whole time I've been here, I'd had to relearn everything about being a person. Including how to make, and keep, friends. And how doing certain things can affect them.
Somehow, I ended up with friends, people I cared about, again for the first time in years, and when I realized I screw up, I just. I didn't know how to deal with it. All I knew was that I didn't want to lose what little I had all over again.
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[ the emotional sourness falls away at that declaration though ]
...you don't have to lie, Nimona.
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[she tells him flatly, finally looking at him.]
You killed someone important to me and it got my brother killed because of it, and then you lied for a week about it and pretended like it never happened. I should be pissed at you forever, but the thing is, Tiger told you to do it, and I hate him more than you.
[there's a very, very loud anger in her at that - she's not kidding when she says it. but it cools off after a second.]
Things aren't gonna be like they were. I'm more mad you lied. But I'm talking to you now, and if I wasn't fine with that I just wouldn't do it, and you know that.
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Well, then...how are things going to be?
...also, please don't kill Tiger or anything either.
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she also gives him a look first, with a little burst of like, hurt feelings, something shivery and sad.]
Stop assuming I'm going to kill people because I'm mad. I'm not actually an animal, I have self control.
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N-no, it's not--I just meant--
...you'd be justified if you did.
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Yeah, maybe. Tiger could use someone to drag his stupid self-important ass down to earth but it's not going to be me because honestly, I don't care what he does after all of this as long as it's as far away from me as possible.
... Look. Do you remember that guy from my memory? From a few weeks ago. Ballister.
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...yes? What about him?
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[she says it steady, but it's still hard on her - her chest aches with it.]
It's not the first time that's happened but that's not what I'm getting at. [but her point is:] I don't - I can't. Handle it, when people fuck with my trust. Friends. Friends who fuck with my trust.
But Nico said it might be worth it to give you another shot, so I'm not writing you off entirely.
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...I haven't had friends in a long time. I haven't...cared about anyone in well over a decade, before coming here. It's...nice. I forgot how nice it could be.
And how terrifying.
I...the whole time I've been here, I'd had to relearn everything about being a person. Including how to make, and keep, friends. And how doing certain things can affect them.
Somehow, I ended up with friends, people I cared about, again for the first time in years, and when I realized I screw up, I just. I didn't know how to deal with it. All I knew was that I didn't want to lose what little I had all over again.
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Yeah. [she says finally.] I guess I get that.
You weren't doing a terrible job.
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[ still, there's a bit of warmth there--praise, from one of the people who has been teaching him how good it can be to have friends!! ]
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she's vaguely exasperated by this, but there's a tinge of like, amusement to it too.]
No, until you lied to me for a week about not having done it. I can get over the murder thing.
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Right.
...sorry. [ you know. in case the remorse wasn't already clear. ]
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[that's the best she can do, but - it's a start.]
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So then...what now?
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I don't know. I guess you don't have to avoid me or whatever.
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