[there's a second where it looks like she is fighting with herself. like she wants to shift, like she wants to turn into something horrible. the impulse is so, so strong, and for a second she really thinks she's going to lose it, she's going to turn into a fox and rip his throat out --
but she doesn't. instead, she turns into a little girl.]
And you let -- and you -- [she starts, and then changes tracks.] And you've lied about it, until now.
[ oh. this is--this hurts. he winces when she turns into a child. ]
...yes.
The only thing that mattered to me at the time was...surviving, at any cost. But then I saw how much it hurt you and so many others and...I thought confessing would only hurt you more.
But now--I guess I've been made fully aware that continuing to lie would only make things worse.
You killed him, that's - bad enough, but I maybe could have figured that one out. You let me defend you during trial, you let me - send Ace to his death, you let me build that stupid fucking treehouse with you -- you've been lying to me this whole time!
[her voice gets louder and louder, as she loses her temper.]
I know. I know. Trusting me is...I always just turn around and abuse it.
But you didn't send Ace to his death, I did. I'm the one who dug and dug for all the evidence on Sigrun's case that I could, so that I could save my own skin and point the finger at someone else.
...as for the treehouse...I really did just want to do something nice. For you. After everything. [ ...it was the least I could do, after all the ways I hurt you.
he bows his head, hunched over where he sits on the floor.
you could kill me, if you want. i'd deserve it. no one would be mad at you for it. ]
oh, he fucked up. he knew that already, knew it the moment he saw nimona's face when the news of reigen's death first broke, but this really hammers it home in a brand new way.
he can't help the confusion on his face at her declaration that he deserves to stay alive. he doesn't understand how she can say that. can't fathom that kind of sentiment from someone who has every reason in the world to kill him.
but he doesn't voice any of that because her thoughts come through and-- ]
...you're not, Nimona. Like I keep saying--you're a good person. And easily the best Tiger here.
[ also i keep forgetting but in every tag of this conversation danny just scratches more and more--at his face, at his neck, at his arms, everywhere. red welts are beginning to show up all over the place.
BUT NEVER MIND ALL THAT, because danny flinches at the spit and hangs his head low, not feeling like he even has the right to look up at her anymore. ]
...I see.
[ and isn't it all the more painful that somehow, she's right? he'd thought the worst thing that could happen to him is death, disappearing--but no. it's this feeling, right now. this is a kind of self-loathing danny hasn't felt since his family died. ]
she does pause here - partially because the welts are. weird, and unusual. but also because it - it feels cruel. she's been alone for so, so long. she knows how bad it hurts. she hurts, right now, her hand and her heart and everything in her, she wants to take it out on someone, she wants him to hurt the way she has, so badly, since ace died. since she watched him drown himself, steady and slow. since they found the pieces of reigen's heart all over the floor.
she thinks about a conversation they had before. she thinks about how he told her that he caught ghosts and he took them home. how everybody looked at him like he was a monster, how his own family couldn't have ever known because they'd hate him too, and she --
[she stares at him for a long moment more - her eyes are still white, she can't help that. and then:]
... I need to leave. [impulse week is getting the better of her, here. she reaches up to wipe at her face, breath shaking.] You took - you took them. From me.
You were told to. I heard that, but I need to not be here right now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ he opens his mouth to reply further, but then sighs. And looks her straight in the eyes. ]
I killed Reigen.
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her eyes go all white as she stares at him.]
You what.
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You heard me. I killed Reigen.
Everything everyone was speculating about how my power would've done it...was right.
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but she doesn't. instead, she turns into a little girl.]
And you let -- and you -- [she starts, and then changes tracks.] And you've lied about it, until now.
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...yes.
The only thing that mattered to me at the time was...surviving, at any cost. But then I saw how much it hurt you and so many others and...I thought confessing would only hurt you more.
But now--I guess I've been made fully aware that continuing to lie would only make things worse.
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[her voice gets a little shriek-y.]
You killed him, that's - bad enough, but I maybe could have figured that one out. You let me defend you during trial, you let me - send Ace to his death, you let me build that stupid fucking treehouse with you -- you've been lying to me this whole time!
[her voice gets louder and louder, as she loses her temper.]
I defended you!
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But you didn't send Ace to his death, I did. I'm the one who dug and dug for all the evidence on Sigrun's case that I could, so that I could save my own skin and point the finger at someone else.
...as for the treehouse...I really did just want to do something nice. For you. After everything. [ ...it was the least I could do, after all the ways I hurt you.
he bows his head, hunched over where he sits on the floor.
you could kill me, if you want. i'd deserve it. no one would be mad at you for it. ]
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[she says, fiercely.]
I wanted to build the treehouse because I didn't want you to be alone. I didn't do it for me. I did it for you, and now --
[her voice breaks a little, but she slams her fist into the doorframe so hard she might have broken something.]
I'm not going to kill you. You stay alive. You deserve that.
[i am not a monster i am not a monster i am not a]
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oh, he fucked up. he knew that already, knew it the moment he saw nimona's face when the news of reigen's death first broke, but this really hammers it home in a brand new way.
he can't help the confusion on his face at her declaration that he deserves to stay alive. he doesn't understand how she can say that. can't fathom that kind of sentiment from someone who has every reason in the world to kill him.
but he doesn't voice any of that because her thoughts come through and-- ]
...you're not, Nimona. Like I keep saying--you're a good person. And easily the best Tiger here.
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[she spits at him.]
Besides. Reigen asked me not to. He didn't want me to hurt you.
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BUT NEVER MIND ALL THAT, because danny flinches at the spit and hangs his head low, not feeling like he even has the right to look up at her anymore. ]
...I see.
[ and isn't it all the more painful that somehow, she's right? he'd thought the worst thing that could happen to him is death, disappearing--but no. it's this feeling, right now. this is a kind of self-loathing danny hasn't felt since his family died. ]
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she does pause here - partially because the welts are. weird, and unusual. but also because it - it feels cruel. she's been alone for so, so long. she knows how bad it hurts. she hurts, right now, her hand and her heart and everything in her, she wants to take it out on someone, she wants him to hurt the way she has, so badly, since ace died. since she watched him drown himself, steady and slow. since they found the pieces of reigen's heart all over the floor.
she thinks about a conversation they had before. she thinks about how he told her that he caught ghosts and he took them home. how everybody looked at him like he was a monster, how his own family couldn't have ever known because they'd hate him too, and she --
she falters.]
Why did you.
[she asks, voice wet.]
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I was told to.
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By who, Tiger?
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blinks ]
Tiger?
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You're breaking out. Why is that happening.
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[ looks down at himself because he was so lost in his own misery sauce that he didn't even notice ]
I...I have no idea.
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... I need to leave. [impulse week is getting the better of her, here. she reaches up to wipe at her face, breath shaking.] You took - you took them. From me.
You were told to. I heard that, but I need to not be here right now.
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Whatever you need.
[ he almost says sorry but that's such a weak, paltry word in the face of what he's done to nimona. ]
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and then she turns and leaves, out of a building she hates more than anything.]