JIAOQIU

[foreverphantom]

shitpost tbd

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[foreverphantom]

What grace is there in being this? I can't even win a simple skirmish. I'm no better than a worm.

[fried]

Oh, please. There must be more to you than hitting things with your fists. You have a brain, don't you?

[foreverphantom]

A brain is nothing without the strength to enforce your will in the world. And I have none.

I might as well be nothing.

[fried]

[ sighs.

he sits down. ]

You lost one fight, with someone who is likely far older than either of us and trained in martial arts. You're giving up and becoming a puddle on the floor because of this?

[foreverphantom]

They aren't that skilled. I'm just that feeble. I'm a worthless wretch.

[ i had to start googling for synonyms of weak and pathetic ]

[fried]

[ help THIS ICON ]

This is why I thought you were a child, you know. [ huff. ] If you're fishing for someone to compliment you, it won't be me.

What were you trying to accomplish by picking a fight?

[foreverphantom]

[ i needed another icon i could swap with my limited supply of depression icons!!

anyway, he rolls over just enough to glance at jiaoqiu over his shoulder ]

I have nothing left to me. Not my strength, not my body, not my family, not my timeline...and then, because of that...whatever they did to me, not even my own thoughts.

What else is even left, after that? All I could do was fight. Keep my grasp on what little remained.

Now I can't even do that. [ curls back up into his depression ball ] It would've been better to let me die and stay dead than to bring me here.

[fried]

[ his ear flicks. and after a moment, his tail comes up and flops over danstone's waist, like a weighted blanket. if he puts it anywhere near his mouth jiaoqiu will pull it away, but for now it stays. ]

I understand what it's like to be tired. [ he says, and his voice is a touch more gentle. ] I also have thought that it would be better to have stayed dead.

But we are not. And for now, we can't change that. For now, we are here, and we are breathing, and there is still yet something.

I cannot fix your timeline or your body, and nor can I replace your family, but I can remind you that strength is not only found in how well you can throw a punch. If you'd like to find purpose somewhere, I am willing to help you.

You can give up, too. I won't stop you. You deserve the choice. It belongs to you and you alone.

[foreverphantom]

[ he's too depressed to chew on tail 8C

glances over his shoulder again. it's a long considering moment where he's silent. ]

...how? To get all those things. [ strength and purpose. ]

[fried]

[ sir, your depression ]

You must promise not to scoff if I tell you. Give my suggestions a chance before you brush them off as weak or pathetic, hm?

[foreverphantom]

[ sighs so, so heavily, so put upon, and slowly rotates himself until he is fully face first in the dirt.

muffled: ]

Fine.

[fried]

[ reaches over to tousle his hair ]

Before, when I was alive, I was a healer on the battlefield. I spent every day of my life bandaging wounds, easing fevers, setting broken bones - all for those who would, the second they recovered, get back up and go out to do it all over again. After years of watching good soldiers throw away my efforts to keep them alive, I quit.

What, I asked, was the purpose of a healer, if those I healed refused to hold onto life?

[ a pause. ]

Years later, a former master of mine came to tell me that a General needed my help. And over time, her purpose became my purpose.

[ a sigh, here. ]

My suggestion, Brimstone, is to see what gives others their drive to live. If you cannot find something yourself, copy someone else's work until you find what works.

[foreverphantom]

[ it is incredibly funny to me that the guy whose life got ruined for copying test answers is now being told to fix his life by copying someone else ]

...and how do you do that? [ find out what drives other people and adopt their motivations as his own ]

[fried]

[ help it comes full circle ]

Well, you'll need to try to get along with the others. [ wryly. ] Which means not throwing punches or causing scenes.

For now, are there any people here that you don't despise?

[foreverphantom]

...

Charlie. Marcoh. Waner.

[ perhaps even jiaoqiu. but you'd have to torture that out of him. ]

[fried]

[ that's fair i feel like you'd have to torture that information out of most people ]

Those are all very dedicated people. You can ask them what gave them purpose in life. But - if that's too difficult, or you'd prefer not to, just observe them. See what brings them joy, and then try it for yourself.

You don't need to do it in front of them if it makes you feel like a numbskull.

[foreverphantom]

[ wow, this almost sounds...doable? within his limits?

the thought that he could actually do something to improve himself is terrifying though.

he's silent for a few moments before he eventually grunts. the grunt is supposed to mean "okay." ]

[fried]

[ jiaoqiu's smile is always there, but it's a little more genuine at this. he keeps his tail draped over him, and pats him on the back. ]

Good. Would you keep me updated? I'd like to hear about what you try, if you do.

[foreverphantom]

[ another vaguely affirmative grunt ]

[fried]

In the meantime, I'll try to find something you might like to eat, since you will need to do that here.

[foreverphantom]

[ another grunt, this one much less affirmative ]

[fried]

[thwaps him gently with his tail. ]

Use your words.

[foreverphantom]

...the only thing that isn't completely disgusting is Cheerios.

[fried]

That gives me something to work with. Is it the texture?

[foreverphantom]

It's bland. And dry.